Chapter Eight Summary: Daniel and Sam spend the evening together. They have a meal, some wine, and then some more wine. They discuss the day’s events, and Daniel discloses some odd incidents that occurred during the meeting that he had omitted during their earlier conversation in his office. As the evening glides by, the wine starts to take affect and eventually, Sam makes a request of Daniel that he is very happy to oblige. Both of them learn something about themselves, each other, and their feelings about one another.
Pairing this chapter: Sam/Daniel
As Sam and Daniel entered his office, Sam reached out and touched him gently, “Daniel, try to relax. It may not mean anything at all. It could all just be a coincidence.”
Her hand dropped from his arm, as Daniel began pacing the small open area in the room. Hearing the stress and underlying doubt in Sam’s voice, he laughed harshly, a short bark of derision, before glancing at her and shaking his head. “No, Sam, I just lived through my dream with the exception that Sha’uri was not standing beside me and talking to me. I know what I saw and so do you. I told you about it just over a week ago now.”
“There were not two men in front of her. You could see her face. Her dress was not the right color and what about the man standing over to one side. He was not there, either. It was not necessarily your dream, Daniel,” Sam, pointed out almost desperately, as she tried to find any discrepancy in what he had told her in the cave and the actual scenario that just played out in the gate room. She tried to find something, anything, which would help to curb his anxiety and decrease the almost kinetic energy with which he appeared to be overflowing.
“No,” Daniel’s voice was strangled yet stark as he replied, “It was my dream, Sam. I am sure of it. I do realize that it was not exactly, as I saw it when I dreamed it. I cannot explain that, but I also do not believe it makes any difference whatsoever to what we just saw, and…what I just experienced. You see, Sam, I—I recognized her the minute she walked through the gate. Even the action of her placing her fingertips on Merdwin’s arm, as he escorted her down the ramp, was familiar to me. It is as if I have watched her do it hundreds, no thousands, literally thousands of times in a myriad of situations. I can even tell you that I know she is always as poised and unflappable in almost any circumstance, as she was today. I know that I am the only one who can occasionally cause her to blush. Where did that come from, Sam? How in the hell do I know any of that? And yet, I am as sure that those things are facts, as I am of my own name.”
“I thought you told me you could not see her face. How could you recognize her, Daniel? That does not make any sense,” Sam pointed out eagerly as she latched onto the only part of his speech that addressed something from his dream.
Daniel shook his head briefly, before he answered her. “I did not recognize her by her face, Sam. I recognized her here,” he said, almost softly, as he put his hand on his chest. “I could feel it, inside. I have never felt anything like it before in my life. It was as if I was seeing someone I have known and—” he stopped and shook his head again, but this time seemingly in denial of what he had almost said, before he continued, “Someone I have known forever. Everything about her was immediately recognized by, by, something within me, something I am not even prepared to examine too closely, let alone name, at this point.”
“Okay, then who was the other man in the dream, Daniel? He was not there today. Moreover, what about the other discrepancies? The men standing in front of her, the color of her dress, and the fact that you could see her face very plainly this time?” Sam asked him. It was not much, but she had to try to help him with whatever she had to use.
Daniel frowned, before answering slowly, “I do not think the man standing off to the side had anything to do with today. To tell you the truth, I never did understand his purpose. I do not know why he was in the dream because he was not taking part in what was going on. However, I am more certain than ever that I know him, and he has some link to Kataya. Furthermore, whatever it is, I believe it is an important link.”
It was obvious that the entire incident was frustrating as well as confusing him. He shrugged his shoulders, before going on to say, “As far as the two men, seeing her face, and the dress, I have no real explanation. There were two men with her; although they were not standing directly in front of her, so she was visible today. Her dress, well, it looked close to what I thought the color was. I just named it wrong, I guess. I am not a fashionista, Sam. Blue, purple, bluish purple, I do not know. They all look pretty much the same to me. I just called it what I thought of at the time,” exasperation fueled by his frustration colored his voice.
Sighing tiredly, he summarized how he felt about it, telling her, “Anyway, I truly do not consider that those differences are important. It is my belief that it is the overall dream, as well as what Sha’uri said to me within the dream, that I am supposed to give my attention. It is not the incidentals and minutia of the dream that are important, Sam, but the underlying message.” Tension etched his brow, and he rubbed it as if he was attempting to ease an ache.
Visibly shaking himself, he searched Sam’s face before suddenly switching tacks completely, and asking, “What did you think of her?”
Surprised by the sudden change of direction in the conversation, Sam said exactly what she felt, “I, well, I liked her. I think she wants Janet to get together with Merdwin. Since I think that would be a great thing to have happen, I am planning on helping her to throw them together.”
Looking utterly confused, Daniel asked her, “What are you talking about, Sam? I must have missed something somewhere because that made no sense to me at all.”
“Daniel,” Sam explained patiently, “Janet and Merdwin took one look at each other and there was this,” she shrugged, as she tried to figure out how to explain what occurred when they saw each other. Gesturing with her hands to emphasize her uncertainty, she said, “I don’t know, connection maybe?” Realizing that she had hit on the exact words she needed, she continued more confidently, saying, “Yes, that is what it was; an instant connection happened between them. Even General Hammond saw it. He even assigned Janet to be Merdwin’s guide during his stay here. I heard them discussing it as we left the briefing room,” she finished, laughing.
“Well, that just goes to show you how screwed up my head is, Sam. I did not notice any thing or hear a word of that conversation. I did not even hear General Hammond dismiss us. It was as if I was lost in a purple fog. One that I did not want to leave,” Daniel said, before he closed his eyes, as if to either shut something out…or to savor it.
“I am sorry, Daniel. Is there anything I can do that would help you? You know I will do anything I can for you.” Sam ached for him, but did not know what to do to help him. She just knew she would do whatever was necessary to alleviate his pain and confusion.
Daniel took her hand in his and squeezed it. “I think I am going to need a friend tonight. I just can’t think straight. Of course, I am not sure I want to think right now, so maybe that is a good thing. Have dinner and some TV with me tonight, Sam?” He asked, with his sweetest smile, before he resumed his pacing.
She smiled at him, and agreed, “Sure thing. I could use some company myself tonight.” After watching him pace for a minute, she thoughtfully noted, “I noticed she didn’t come on to you. In fact, the only thing I did notice between you was that first look and then again at the end of the briefing. You both looked like you were in a trance when it ended.”
Daniel stopped pacing, nodded, and threw himself down onto his office couch. “That first look was when the recognition hit me. I knew her. No, I know her,” he corrected, sitting with his head thrown back, his arms wrapped around himself, and his eyes closed as if reliving something. “Sam, it was as if something I had not even known I was waiting for was suddenly there, in the room. I felt such a sense of something inexorable, of inevitability, I just—” his voice trailed off into silence for a time, and then he whispered, but loud enough for Sam to hear, “I just do not understand it.” He shook himself and then frowned in puzzlement. “But we were talking about the fact that she did not make any real move on me. She did not act as if she knew me after that first contact. At least, not until the end of the briefing. I wonder why?” He mused.
“Maybe you just need to talk to her. She might be able to explain it all away you know.” Sam brightened. “Maybe it is just that she looks like someone you know, Daniel.”
Daniel smiled wryly, “Nice try, Sam, but I don’t think so. This was way too intense for that, and there is the dream, too.
Suddenly sitting up from his slouch, he announced, “I am hungry. Are you ready to go eat? We had an especially early lunch thanks to Jack, if you will remember, and I, for one, am ready for some food, emotional maelstrom or not.” He appeared puzzled for a few moments and then said, “You know, that is actually kind of unusual. If truth be told, even with all of the emotional tumult, I am genuinely hungry. I am not just saying that or pretending something that I do not feel. I am hungry. Odd.” Shrugging his shoulders again, he shook his head. “What do you say, Sam? Do we go get something to eat?”
Sam waved toward the door, saying “Sure, that sounds exceptionally good to me. Let’s go.” They would have a decent meal and then—chocolate. Yup, chocolate for both of them. And wine. Maybe even lots of wine. Sounded like a plan to her.
Daniel poured the last of their second bottle of wine into their glasses. He realized he was very relaxed, perhaps even a little drunk. He and Sam had gone out to eat and then they had returned to his place. They had wine with their meal, too. So, was this really bottle number two or was it bottle number three? He could not take the trouble to figure out which it was.
He had opened the first bottle while they watched a Discovery Channel special on the history of flight. Each preoccupied with their own thoughts, neither had really paid the show much attention. Shortly after turning the TV off and the stereo on, they were broaching the second bottle of wine. Chatting about little things and sitting through comfortable silences, they both ignored the things that were really on their minds.
As the cork on the, he decided, third bottle gave way with a distinctive pop, Daniel looked over at Sam curled up comfortably on his sofa, her head resting on the back of the couch. She looked like she could not be bothered to so much as reach for her glass, so Daniel filled it and handed it to her. She looked, too, as if she belonged there. He leaned back and settled closely beside her, drawing comfort from her presence.
Knowing that he would find his thoughts too disturbing, Daniel really did not want to be alone tonight. He would have had nothing to do but think. With Sam, Daniel knew he did not have to explain anything. If he wanted to talk, then she would listen, and if he did not, then she would simply be here with him. She understood him without the need for words, which was why she was here, snuggling next to him on his couch. They were very comfortable with one another.
Seemingly mesmerized by the deep red liquid in his glass, he abruptly said, “I did not tell you everything, Sam. Earlier, when we talked in my office, I mean,” he admitted slowly.
“Do you want to tell me now? I am right here listening,” Sam offered quietly, having known that this moment would come; that it was only a matter of time before Daniel found the words to talk about it with her.
He took a deep breath and clasped her hand in his. “I know. I appreciate it. I think you can help—even if only to tell me I am crazy, or I have been celibate too long.” He gave her a brief smile as he made the last part of his statement.
Sam’s eyes widened as they rested on her friend, but her voice was steady. “Okay. Tell me. I will help anyway I can, you know that,” she encouraged him to begin.
Taking a deep breath, he nodded and said, “I think I am ready to talk about it now.” He drank deeply of his wine and then laid his head back. Looking over at Sam, he saw that she watched him, eyes filled with warmth, acceptance, and concern. She cared about him, and it showed in her gaze, giving him the courage to tell her about the other things that had occurred during the briefing. Things that had knocked him sideways, stunning him with what they indicated was happening. Things that he was not sure he was ready to accept or deal with at the current time.
“Did you notice that I did not say much during the meeting?” He finally brought himself to ask.
Sam nodded, “Yes, I did notice. I was a little worried about you, actually. That is not like you, Daniel. Normally you would have been asking questions right and left.”
“I was watching her,” Daniel murmured softly.
“We were all watching her, Daniel, except maybe, Janet,” Sam exclaimed, smiling slightly at the thought of Janet and her inability to stop herself from sneaking looks at Merdwin. Pushing that thought away she returned her attention to Daniel.
Daniel shook his head. “No, Sam, everyone was looking at her and listening to her words. I was watching her—her expressions, her gestures, how she smiled, and the way she moved. I was listening to the sound of her voice, not necessarily, what she was saying. That is why it took me a minute to offer to do the link. It did not register at first that she was asking for a volunteer.” He paused and cleared his throat. “I kept having these, well, sort of, flashes, images, of, well, of what seemed to be memories,” he suddenly confessed.
If she had not already been giving Daniel her full and complete attention, then that would certainly have garnered it. “What do you mean, Daniel? What do you mean by flashes and images? An even better question, what do you mean by ‘memories’, because that is a little bit outside the realm of possibilities, as we know it today.” Sam watched Daniel struggle to put what he was feeling into words and felt slightly alarmed at what she was seeing and hearing from him.
Daniel looked troubled, and he sighed as he said, “Yeah, I know it is. At least, it is outside of our concepts. Nevertheless, Sam, we have seen things that we cannot explain before, things that were in the ‘not possible’ category, until we were proved very wrong. What if there is something that could place it into the realm of possibility? Here is just one theory that says it is possible. Reincarnation. What if that is true? Now, we are into a parameter where it could be possible. That is just one theory. You know there are others that could explain it whether you believe them to be true or false. I—I cannot completely discount it, Sam. Not when there is such a vast amount of unknowns out there. There are so many things in the universe about which we know nothing. So, all I am saying is that I am going to keep an open mind. I am not going to just label something impossible and walk away from it refusing to believe it could be true simply because it does not fit into my concept of ‘possibilities’.”
“That brings us back to your first question. To be completely honest, I am not sure, but I think they really were memories. Which, of course, as we just said, makes no sense at all. Except that I saw them and they were very real.” He paused for just a moment, and then continued slowly, “Once when she moved her head and laughed in a certain way, I suddenly saw her standing in a castle courtyard, laughing up at me. The sun was striking her hair and making a golden halo around her head. I remember thinking what a beautiful person she was both inside and out. I,” he cleared his throat before continuing, “I think it was some important day because there appeared to be a celebration taking place, and she, no we, were very sumptuously dressed.” His brow creased and he added, “Actually, Sam, Merdwin was there, too. He was with one of the most strikingly beautiful women I think I have ever seen, but he did not seem very happy. I did not like her. There was something almost evil about her.” His eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, “Wow, where did that come from?”
“Well, I don’t know, Daniel. I mean, well when they arrived Kataya was dressed like some medieval lady and Merdwin; well he could certainly have stepped out of one of Arthur’s tales.” She frowned, saying, “But I don't know where you got the other woman. Unless it was her daughter?” She asked him.
Daniel shook his head again, and then emphasized his previous refusal of her reason, stating firmly, “No. I do not think her clothing had anything to do with it. I do not think that is why I saw that. No, it definitely was not her daughter, either. This woman’s hair was midnight black and her eyes were very green.” He shuddered as he remembered how she had looked at him. Predatory was the only word that described that look. He had felt like a rabbit cornered by a snake. He did not pass that information on to Sam, though. There was no point in it.
Bringing his attention back to her, he reiterated his response, saying, “No, Sam, I don’t think it had anything to do with how they were dressed. There was more than that one flash. Another time, when she looked down at something, I suddenly saw her dressed similarly to what one of our Vikings would have worn, but I don’t believe it was here. Not on Earth, I mean. We were in a longhouse. She was smiling at me, but she was sad, too. I felt it was my fault.” He paused for a minute before beginning to explain the next memory flash.
He drew in a deep breath, then told her, “Once when she moved her hands a certain way,” he stopped speaking and blushed deeply. “God, Sam,” he whisper was anguished and his voice filled with longing and frustration. “I could feel her hands on my body. I saw us—together—in a huge ornate bed. She was,” he swallowed convulsively and closed his eyes. “She was making love with me, so passionately.” Opening his eyes, he looked at Sam. “It was all I could do not to cry out—the sensation was so exquisite, so—so real. You were all distracted, thank God.” He looked at her, his eyes haunted. “I have never in my life had anything like that happen, Sam; it was so intense it was all I could do to breathe.”
Eyes wide as she took in what he was telling her, she asked, “Were there any more of those flashes, Daniel?”
“One. It was when she was talking to her father. The position of her hands—palms up, the first and fourth fingers extended, three together pointing up. That is part of their greeting ritual. She did not complete it in the gate room. She should have extended her hands in that position, and I should have stepped forward and put my finger tips onto hers as I greeted her.” Daniel looked pale.
“What is it Daniel? What is wrong?” Sam asked anxiously. Whatever it was that happened in the briefing room was throwing Daniel badly. She did not like it at all.
He continued, still pale, “I just realized that the greeting I would have given her is not the normal type of greeting of a friend or an acquaintance.”
“Why not?” Sam frowned, wondering what he was trying to say. She got the greeting part, but what did that have to do with this entire incident?
“Because that greeting, a greeting between friends or acquaintances would go something like; I give greetings and welcome to thee, Kataya, Lady of Cadwaellon.”
“And what would you have said, Daniel?” Sam asked, but she was not sure she wanted to know.
He looked at Sam, not really seeing her. “I would have greeted her as I always do, Sam; Blood of My Heart, I welcome thee.”
Sam blinked at him in stunned surprise, as she realized that the wording was probably very significant. “What does it mean, Daniel?”
“I don’t know, Sam, but whatever it means—I feel it in my heart and my soul, when I say it,” he said, in an agonized whisper.
“Daniel, could she have been putting those images into your mind?” Sam asked hesitantly.
Daniel shook his head. “I thought of that, Sam. As a matter of fact, it is why I volunteered to do the mind link. After that experience, I am almost sure it was not her sending thoughts to me.”
“How can you be so sure?” Sam questioned him.
“I don’t know exactly how to explain it. You will understand once you have done a link. She does not actually come into your mind in an invasive way. She places a link, and when she does that, as well as when she accesses it, you can feel her. If she had been sending those flashes or thoughts, or whatever they are, I think I would have felt her do it.”
He shrugged helplessly, before turning to her again, and saying, “Sam, I do not know what happened when I looked at her on that ramp. I do not know who she is to me, or who I am to her. I do not know why I felt what I felt, or how I know the things that I know. I do not know the meanings of the flashes or where they originate, and I do not know when I will find out what it all means to me. But, Sam, there is one thing that I do know, and I know it, feel it, deeper than anything I have ever known before.” He took a deep breath before continuing, saying, “Sam, I have never, in my entire life, or in my career, had anything happen to me, not even opening the Stargate and discovering that my theories were true, that left me with such a feeling of complete and total fulfillment. It was as if this was what made my life worth living, what it was all about, and she was what made my heart beat. She…Sam, I think she lives there, and in my blood, and I believe that is why I would have answered her greeting in that particular way. Because it is, or at least it was, true. She is the blood of my Heart.”
As the silence stretched after Daniel’s emotional declaration, he suddenly took a deep breath. With determination in his face, he looked at Sam and smiled. “Don’t look so worried, Sam. I am going to be all right. I do not have to allow this to get to me and I won’ t. In fact, I think I have talked enough about all this. There is nothing I can do about any of it, except to wait and see what happens. That will take patience, and when I need to be, I am good at patience. I can wait until the time comes for me to know, which I believe it will. So, let’s move on to a more important subject. I have given your situation with Lantash and Martouf some thought, you know.”
Sam felt torn. She felt as if she should try to say something about the last few things Daniel had said, but he said he wanted to put it behind him for now. She decided to give him what he wanted, so she said, “You have?” Sam knew she sounded surprised and she was a little bit. He had not mentioned that conversation about Martouf and Lantash since the cave, allowing her time to think and come to terms with her confessions. She thought he had forgotten all about it. She realized she should have known better.
“I told you I would think about it, Sam,” he reminded her gently. “I have not come up with a lot though, I am afraid. The only solution I can see is that you two need to spend time together. Preferably alone. That is what we have to try to arrange. I think we can do it, it will just take some creative thinking.”
Sam shook her head and it was her turn to sigh. She leaned forward and divided the remainder of the third bottle between their glasses, before answering him, saying, “I honestly would like too, Daniel, but our lives don’t exactly abound with opportunities where we are both free at the same time, and that is very hard to overcome, no matter how creative your thinking is.”
They both sat contemplating their words, when Daniel suddenly turned to face her fully, and stated firmly, “You have leave coming, I know. We all have leave stacked up, so do not try to tell me you don’t.” He waved his hands dismissively, adding, “Beside the point, which is that you need to take some leave; go stay with your dad in the tunnels. That would solve the problem at least part way. The two, er, three of you would not be completely alone, but,” he smiled fully at her as he finished speaking, “at least you would both be in the same sector of the universe and not only would you both be on the same world, technically, you would even be staying in the ‘same house’, so to speak.”
After returning his smile with a much dimmer one, she sighed deeply once more, before shaking her head. “I don’t know, Daniel. Dad and I have talked about getting some time together, but even when we try to, we come up against the fact that one or the other of us usually has a mission or there is a crisis of some kind. We have even had it planned and been ready to do it to the point of being packed to leave and had something come up that stopped us. If I took time off and went there, and he had to leave on a mission, it would be very awkward. If we could even get it to that point; like I said, we have tried and failed before.”
She glanced over at him and took a deep breath before quickly saying, “I may not know how to pull off a visit to the Tok’Ra tunnels, but I do know one thing; I am almost obsessed with the two of them. It is so weird, Daniel,” She said, as she picked up the glass she had refilled earlier with the last of the wine and handed it to him.
“How does that work, Sam? I mean the…the feelings, the emotions. What is it like? Explain it to me,” Daniel encouraged her to talk about how she felt about them and the situation. Furthermore, he really did want to know.
“Are you sure you want to hear this?” She looked at him skeptically.
“Yes, I truly do, Sam. I am genuinely curious about how it works.” He flushed lightly. “I mean, how does it all work? Are your feelings for each of them different? I mean when you are with Lantash, do you truly see Lantash? Or, or is it just like it is Martouf but he is talking in a different voice? I am sorry if I am being too nosy. Just tell me if I am, okay?” Daniel grimaced a little feeling he was asking questions that in actuality might just be too personal.
Sam shook her head, saying, “No, Daniel, they are not too personal at all. Answering that question may be hard, though. All I know is that I do not confuse the two of them. I mean, I can tell just by the facial expressions and gestures when it is Lantash and when it is Martouf. If Lantash is the one talking to me, which is not as often as I would like, I do see him and not Martouf. I am not sure I can explain it very well, but I will try.”
She sat quietly, frowning slightly, as she contemplated how to voice what she wanted to say. Evidently, she finally made a decision, because she started talking, telling him, “they are so different, Daniel, and yet they compliment one another so well. Lantash is very, well, he is more likely to make pronouncements and expect them to just be carried out. It is just a part of him, I think. He is so used to others doing as he says, that it never occurs to him that someone else might not want to do it.” Sam smiled a little. “Martouf teases him about it all the time and tells him he has been imitating a Goa’uld System Lord for so long he has a “God” complex. Lantash, um, usually withdraws then and won’t come back for a while. It is not fair of us to tease him, I know, but, well, he is just so darn cute when he gets all flustered, because that is such a rare reaction for him. Lantash is always in control of himself and if needed, Martouf. He protects him, Daniel, against anything and everything that he can. It is amazing how careful he is of Martouf.” Sam lapsed into silence, obviously lost in thought.
Daniel cleared his throat to get her attention and asked softly, “Sam, how do you know all of those things? Have you had more in depth conversations with them of which I am not aware?”
Sam looked at him blankly for a moment and then closed her eyes. “This is what happens to me, Daniel. It is what makes me unsure of my own emotions. I do not know those things…but Jolinar did.” She sighed yet again. “It makes it very hard to separate my emotions from hers.” Her lips firmed and she said, “However that is not what we were talking about. You asked about whether or not I see only Martouf or if I ‘see’ Lantash. I see them both. I mean, they even hold the body differently. Most people probably would not even notice it, because some of it is very subtle, but it is definitely there. Martouf uses his hands slightly more and in a different way than Lantash does. Their smiles are different and sometimes they even sound different when they talk; although, it is not the sound of the voice as that is almost always different anyway; it is the way they phrase things. That does not happen often though.” She shrugged before continuing, saying, “I suppose that it seems odd that I think of them as two separate beings, even though they share one body. I do though. They simply have different personalities.”
Suddenly, it was Sam’s turn to blush. “Daniel, promise me that you won’t be shocked if I tell you something.”
Daniel crossed his heart, and replied solemnly, “I cross my heart and hope to die. I will not be shocked.”
"Okay. Well, it is kind of like," she coughed, stopping, before trying again. "Well, sometimes in fantasies," she said, obviously still uncomfortable. "It is almost like I could have two different men at one time," she finally managed to blurt in a rush, before turning a bright red.
“Oh, Sam, only you could get embarrassed over those types of thoughts.” Daniel laughed, and fell over on her. She wrapped her arms around him, and they leaned against each other chuckling together about her reactions.
“I, um, I think that maybe that third bottle was a little more than we should have had. I don’t know about you, but I am really starting to feel it,” Daniel observed.
“Me too,” Sam giggled.
After a few moments, Sam got control of herself, and said, “I am not finished telling you things yet, so no more giggling.”
“Okay,” Daniel replied, as he attempted to straighten himself. Realizing that he was not going to be successful, he soon gave up and leaned back into Sam’s arms.
Concentrating on what she wanted to convey to him, she continued, “I really do love Lantash, too. It is not just Martouf with Lantash along like he is just so much excess luggage, or because he is just there. I love Lantash’s personality. In fact, I think, if it works out and we end up together, that Lantash will be the more passionate of the two. Martouf will be the gentler, more tender one. Not that Martouf will not be passionate. He will be, I know. I mean, I have some of Jolinar’s memories, so I really do know. It is just that Lantash is well, um.” She hesitated, and then said, a little breathlessly, "He is pretty—wow—if you know what I mean.” As she spoke, she realized she felt better. She had needed to share her thoughts and feelings with someone for a long time.
“It makes sense, Sam. I mean, think about it. Lantash has had, what, probably two thousand years or more, to learn how to make love to a woman. I mean, he has to be an expert lover by now. It stands to reason,” Daniel pointed out.
“I never considered that, Daniel. You are probably correct. No wonder they are so, well, such good lovers. I mean, because Martouf is, too, you know. He has Lantash's memories, so he is probably as aware of what to do as Lantash is,” Sam said, as she settled more firmly against Daniel as they half sat on the sofa and half reclined. Sam sighed tiredly and rested her cheek on the top of Daniel’s head. Their giggles had passed, and they had become quiet, relaxed, and content.
Sam breathed in the masculine scent of Daniel and realized that even after talking about Martouf, Lantash, and Kataya, having Daniel resting in her arms now seemed so—right and good, as if he was supposed to be there.
Her thoughts drifting to the conversation she had earlier in the day with Janet, Sam concluded that she was right. Daniel was perfect husband material. He was attractive, smart, fun, and witty. The only thing she did not know was why she had not fallen in love with this extremely nice, wonderful man and what it would be like if he kissed her. How would she react to that?
Tentative, Sam asked, “Daniel?”
“Hm?” He replied drowsily.
“Would you mind kissing me?” Sam heard herself ask quietly.
“Sure, Sam, whatever you want,” Daniel answered promptly.
“No, really, Daniel, I am curious. Seriously, I want you to kiss me.” Now that the thought had entered her head, Sam was determined to find out what it would be like to kiss Daniel. They were friends, weren’t they, and they could ask each other anything; Daniel had said so.
“Kay. However, I think we ought to lay down first because my head is spinning. Daniel closed his eyes against the turning of the room.
“Right. Um, we need to find your bed,” Sam said earnestly, peering around vaguely, as if expecting it to materialize in front of her. She shook her head to try to clear it but that was the wrong thing to do. It seemed as if the more time that passed, the blurrier everything was becoming.
“It is that way.” He threw his arm toward the general direction of the bedroom. Between the two of them, they managed to get off the couch.
Holding each other up, they slowly made their way to the bedroom, shedding shoes, socks and anything else, they could comfortably and safely rid themselves of on the way. Daniel stopped at his dresser and dragged some sweat bottoms out of a drawer. He grabbed a T- shirt and some shorts for Sam, determined to be a thoughtful host. He could not expect her to sleep in nothing, right? He looked at the shorts and t-shirt in disgust, sighed, and handed them to her. “Here you go, Sam. Jammies.”
“Thanks Daniel.” They each sat on the bed, looking at their nightclothes. It was not the first time they had shared close quarters to dress. You got used to that type of thing; it was just another everyday function you performed in mixed company. You didn’t think anything of it, right? Knowing they should put them on, Sam struggled to get the T-shirt on and then turned impatiently to Daniel. “You were supposed to kiss me,” she insisted.
After a victory in the struggle with sweatpants that did not want to be pulled on, and a shirt that did not want to be pulled off, Daniel fell back onto the pillows on the bed. He opened one eye to look at her, and then quickly closed it again as his blurred vision without his glasses made the room spin worse. He was really going to have a headache tomorrow; he would bet money on it. He would worry about that later, like in the morning. He almost moaned at the thought, but instead he answered Sam shoving those thoughts aside.
“’Kay, Sam, come here, and I will kiss you. You are right; I need a friend tonight, too,” he murmured as he reached out for her.
Sam lay down beside him. “Daniel, I think we are both going to be really sorry in the morning. So, I am going to apologize now, ‘kay?” Sam said, as her conscience tried to exert itself.
“Yeah, sure, Sam,” he enunciated carefully. “I will says sorry now, too.”
“’Kay, Daniel.” Sam thought for a minute. “Daniel?”
“Yeah, Sam?” He asked, as he began to snuggle with her in his arms. She felt good there.
“When you kiss me,” she paused, and then continued hesitantly, “would you talk to me in Goa’uld?”
“In Goa’uld? Sure, I think I can do that.” He frowned for a moment in thought. “French is prettier, Sam, are you sure you don’t want me to speak that?” He asked, just to make sure.
“No,” she assured him, “I want to hear you speak Goa’uld to me.” She paused again, and then said, “Daniel?”
“Would you call me Samantha, too?”
“Sure, Sam, uh, Sam-man-tha,” he pronounced slowly. Then, starting as he meant to go on, he murmured softly in Goa’uld, “I am going to kiss you now, Samantha.”
Daniel raised himself up on one elbow and leaned over her close enough to see her without his glasses. Sam really was a beautiful woman, and he definitely did not have to force himself to kiss her. She smelled good, feminine, and alluring. He wondered hazily why he had never kissed Sam before. Even after their talk, this somehow still felt right. It was as if she was a part of his heart. She was his friend, his anchor, and he was hers. Their lips met and clung.
Somewhere in the back of Sam’s mind, she remembered that this was an experiment to see if she would react to Daniel’s kiss. In reality, she had known she would. He was a part of her heart.
As Daniel lowered his head to kiss her again, another thought distracted her. She wondered if Martouf and Lantash kissed as well as Daniel. They always did in her fantasies and in her memories. They were going to kiss her again, now. They were whispering to her in Goa’uld, just the way she had always known they would. She would ask them later what they said. Right now, it didn’t matter. She just wanted to feel their lips on hers again.
Their body was so warm, so strong, and firm. Their well-muscled thighs pressed against her. Hard yet gentle arms cradled her. She could feel the muscles rippling in their back. If she rubbed his neck, would Lantash feel her caress? She used her hand to softly stroke his neck and down his spine. Was he groaning because it felt good? She would have to remember to ask him. Her hand slid lower to caress his manhood. She rubbed the base of his spine and trailed her fingers down to caress him again and then back up to his neck.
She felt the hard thrust of his manhood against her thigh as he pressed her deeper into the bed. As the searing kisses branding her neck crept upwards once again to claim her mouth, she cupped the back of his neck and pressed gently as her other arm encircled them. As darkness claimed her, she whispered their names one final time. Lantash. Martouf.
Beside her, their legs entwined, wrapped in her arms, his head nestled next to hers, Daniel dreamed of a woman in a violet blue dress. One whose beautiful violet eyes spoke of untold mysteries, and whose soft golden skin felt like silk. A woman whose kisses had tasted just like deep red wine.
Samantha Carter’s eyes popped open and just as quickly shut. Oh, God, it had been a dream. A wonderful dream, true, but only a dream.
She was not in bed with Martouf and Lantash. She cracked one of her eyes open just to make sure. Two beautiful blue eyes looked back at her, but they were ocean blue, not the silvery, gray-blue that was Martouf’s eyes. She sighed deeply and opened her other eye.
“Um, I don’t suppose you remember how and why we are both in your bed, do you, Daniel?” Sam asked tentatively.
“Well, let’s just say that while there are a few missing pieces here and there, I don’t think I have forgotten anything major, Sam.” He grinned slightly at the unintentional pun. He thought about calling her Samantha, but decided not to tease her. He had a feeling that this situation was going to take some extremely careful handling.
“God, Daniel, I am so sorry,” Sam’s voice was alive with a mixture of regret and embarrassment, as she answered him. What she would really like to do was crawl under the covers and not come out for several years. At least, not while Daniel was around to see her. On second thought, maybe death was preferable. Then she would never have to face Daniel again.
“I do remember apologizing in advance, Sam. And I remember that you did, too,” Daniel replied gently, wishing he could set her mind at ease quickly and easily, something that he knew was not going to happen. He could tell that she was wondering how she would ever face him again.
Sam winced. “What exactly do you remember, Daniel?”
Daniel smiled. “One of the nicest propositions I have ever had.” Sam cringed inside and briefly closed her eyes again.
“Daniel, did I ask you to kiss me?” She whispered, both embarrassed and appalled by what she had done.
Knowing he might as well get the details out in the open all at once, he replied, “Um, yeah, I remember that part. And the part where you asked me to call you Samantha and to speak Goa’uld when I kissed you.”
Sam sat up abruptly, hid her face in her hands, and moaned. “I cannot believe I did that. I mean, I believe what you are telling me, Daniel, I have a vague recollection of it; I just cannot believe I actually did it. How could I do that?” She moaned again, as she clasped her temples.
“What do you remember, Sam?” Daniel asked, softly. He had to get her past the embarrassment, so she would realize that nothing had really happened between them that they could not fix.
“We went out to dinner, watched some TV, listened to the stereo, drank some more wine, and relaxed. When we opened the last bottle of wine, we started to talk about Kataya and Lantash and Martouf.” She frowned in concentration. “I started thinking about a conversation Janet and I had. I kept wondering why I had not fallen in love with you.” She sighed deeply. “I was curious about whether I would react to kissing you. I guess I finally had enough wine that I found the courage to ask you to kiss me. After that, it gets a little blurrier.” Suddenly, she looked down. “Oh, thank God, we are still sort of dressed. But…but this shirt is not mine!”
“Jammies,” Daniel stated succinctly. He laughed before quickly stopping, grabbing his head. “Wow, what a headache. Time for aspirin and coffee.” He looked over at Sam. “That was my first reaction, too, Sam,” he said with sympathy in his voice, even as he chuckled. “At least neither of us completely lost our minds. And as for the, er, Jammies, I don’t think either of us could have made it into the guest room to get yours, Sam. I am almost surprised I managed to find you something you could wear instead.”
Sam grabbed a pillow, and whacked him with it. “Daniel! This is not funny. We could have…We almost…What if we had…” She stopped, and her eyes widened in horror, “What if they find…How can we explain…What are we going to…?” She finally stopped her disjointed, garbled attempts at speech and concentrated on a question she thought there might actually be an answer for, “Daniel, why were you laughing?”
Daniel's look as he gazed at her was sincere and open. “I was laughing because I just woke up to find myself half-dressed and in bed with my best friend, Sam.” His laughter died as he took her hand and held it, softly stroking it with his thumb. His voice turned solemn and warm as he continued, “I needed my friend last night, Sam, and I think she needed me. Not in a sexual way, but in a—” He stopped speaking abruptly, obviously thinking about the evening before.
Finally, he looked at her and keeping his voice gentle but earnest, he said, “You know what one of my last thoughts was before I went to sleep? That I can remember, I mean? It was that you were my anchor, a part of my heart.” Pausing again, he looked at her and the smile he sent her way was sweet and warm.
“Sam, you are a beautiful, warm, caring woman, and I am so lucky to have you as a friend. I am not sorry I kissed you last night. We both needed a shoulder to lean on; arms to hold us, and the warmth, and comfort that only close physical contact can give. We trust each other enough to be able to ask for what we need. You had a reason for asking what you did, Sam, and I had a reason for agreeing. Remember the cave? We can ask anything of each other, Sam. Anything, and not feel like the other one will think less of us.” Pausing once more, Daniel chose his words carefully, wanting to reassure Sam, but at the same time, wanting to let her know that he regretted nothing that had happened between them. It had felt right.
“Well, you needed to be kissed and held, and so did I. I don’t think any less of you for needing that. And, if you pretended that I was Martouf and Lantash, well, I can accept and understand that, too. We both needed comfort for our own reasons, and we gave that to each other. I am okay with it, Sam, and I hope you are, too. We felt safe with each other. Nothing happened, but do you know what? Even if it had, we would have worked through it. We will always be here for each other. Always, Sam, because you are a part of my heart and you always will be. Nothing and no one will ever change that, I promise you.” Daniel just managed to stop himself from frowning when he finished speaking. He felt as if he had said something deep and profound, almost like a vow.
Daniel finished his monologue and smiled teasingly at her. “As for all of the questions that are running around your head like demented squirrels in a cage, I think I can answer at least some of them. At least the ones I think you were trying to ask, that is,” he added cheekily.
He looked at her and spoke sincerely, “Sam, we really did not do anything terrible or wrong. Yes, we let things go a little far, but the truth is that we are not,” he sighed deeply and looked at the ceiling for a moment before returning his gaze to her as he started his thought over. “The truth is that they have no more claim on us, than we do on them. It was a personal moment out of time between friends, Sam, so stop beating yourself up over it. You have nothing to feel guilt over, and neither do I,” he stated decisively and firmly.
“You are right, Daniel. You know,” tears welled up and threatened to flow, “you really are a wonderful man, Daniel Jackson, and I am one incredibly lucky woman to have you for a friend. You are so very special. And I feel the same way, Daniel. You said it exactly. We will always here for each other. Always, Daniel, because you are a part of my heart and you always will be. Nothing and no one will ever change that, I promise you.” Sam felt a jolt in her heart as she finished. She felt like she had just made a very important declaration. Well, that was as it should be. She and Daniel were really close and they would remain that way forever.
“Thanks, Sam, that means a lot to me. More than you will ever know,” he said quietly.
Then, feeling that things should get on a lighter, more unemotional footing for both their sakes, Daniel suddenly grinned at her as he swung off the bed, saying, “And you might want to know, you were not the only curious one in this bed last night, Major-Doctor Carter. I remember feeling distinctly disappointed when you managed to get that t-shirt on.” With that parting shot, he headed for the kitchen throwing over his shoulder, “I will fix some coffee. You can have the bathroom first, but we are going to have to move it if we don’t want to be late.”
Sam laughed softly in answer. Daniel would make some very lucky woman a wonderful husband.
Evidently, Sam thought, I can’t see any man but Martouf and Lantash, though, so it will not be me. She got up and headed for the bathroom. Daniel was right; they were going to have to hurry if they didn’t want to be late.